American Heritage Dictionary tells us that to forgive is:
- To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
- To renounce anger or resentment against.
- To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).
More strictly, to forgive “is to grant pardon without harboring resentment”. “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” (Oscar Wilde)
Just as forgiving a debt means letting go of what was owed. It is the same in forgiving an injustice. We are letting go of what we expect to get. It might be an apology, their understanding, or their punishment. The eye-for-an-eye viewpoint is let go of.
However, it does not mean -to turn the other cheek- nor does it mean, to condone what was done. The offense is not justified in forgiving it. These distinctions are important because, for ages, they have been the major objections to forgiving.
Forgiveness is an act of will; a difficult personal choice which relieves the forgiver of the effects of pain, hurt, resentment and anger around a situation. It is letting go of animosity and ill-will. It is an act of courage because it involves letting go of an upset even though there is justification for holding it.
Forgiving is an art. It is a process involving the movement of the heart & mind toward compassion, love, and understanding relieving us of fear, anger and hate. It is the ultimate human decision, which brings us closest to the human and divine ideal of Love and Peace. Thus, it fosters healing of the mind, spirit, and even the body.
Forgiveness sets limit on our negative self-destructive thoughts. The point of forgiving is to be free of the pain of an upset which occurred in the past. Thus, self-forgiveness is also included and extremely important because guilt due to past actions harms us in mind, body, and spirit.
It increases rational clarity, because it removes emotional upsets and stress that cloud our mind and heart. With that clarity, rational decisions can be made in all areas of life.
Plus, it wipes away the effect of the past whether it was thirty years ago or 15 minutes ago, allowing us to more fully experience the present moment which is the only time we really live.
Forgiveness is the process of taking our power and control back from the other person. Through it we take back our happiness. Thus our happiness is dependent on our own actions, not on another person. It is our decision alone. That decision can be made at anytime. Of course, it is easier if the person apologizes, or changes their behavior, but those things are not necessary for forgiveness to occur.
Find out what forgiveness isn’t: the myth and lies.
